drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
