OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
