i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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