so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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