you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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