You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
