Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
