from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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