I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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