Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
