they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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