Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
