i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
