so that wasnt chicken after all
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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