I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
try to milk me bitch
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