So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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