I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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