I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
