She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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