please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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