I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
