i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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