you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
