just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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