Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize