we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
