I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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