I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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