atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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