I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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