Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
