there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
