just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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