Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
