that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
