Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
