All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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