Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize