Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
