I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
