Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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