Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
