Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
