My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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