This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
no you cant smoke seaweed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
