so let's talk penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
