I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She bit a glass in half.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
