Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
