please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
