sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
