I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
