Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
