NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
