i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
