I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
