he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
