Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
