I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
