Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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