Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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