i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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