Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
