Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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