Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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