Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
