The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
