when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
