What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize