Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
50% drunk capacity currently
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
